As my denomination's Communications Director, I field calls from organizations wanting to promote themselves to our member congregations. Call me Gatekeeper. A couple of weeks ago, I received a call from ABC's publicity department telling me about an upcoming Barbara Walters special called "Heaven." I was told that Babs had interviewed Ted Haggard, and that our member churches would probably be very interested in the special. I told the lady to send me info by email or regular mail, and I would decide what to do with it. Though mentally, I had already deep-sixed it. They made it sound like the whole program would give an evangelical view of heaven, thus the mention of Ted Haggard, but I knew that wouldn't be the case. Been around the block enough. And my master's in Public Relations counts for something.

Yesterday, I finally received an email about the program. The show is airing next Tuesday. My suspicions were right. The email doesn't even mention Ted Haggard. The piece is titled: "Heaven: Where it It? How do we get there? The answers may surprise you."

The part "The answers may surprise you" just slays me. Yes, certainly, I'm totally excited about hearing Barbara Walters, theologian extraordinaire, reveal to the world the mysteries of heaven. I've heard low-lifes of the calibre of Billy Graham talk about heaven, but now, finally, I'm gonna be treated to real answers that may surprise me.

The piece continues, "Is heaven simply a myth dreamed up to give lives meaning, or is it a real place? Anchored by Barbara Walters, 'Heaven. Where Is It? How Do We Get There?' explores the meaning of heaven with religious leaders of the major faiths, scientists, people who say they believe in heaven because they've been there, celebrities who are vocal about their beliefs, and even with terrorists."

Oh joy--celebrities get to tell me about heaven. Celebrities always display superior knowledge. And terrorists. Finally, some insight into the whole 72 virgins thing. I'm sure we'll hear some New Age gurus telling us that heaven is all around us, and scientists who will say, "There's nothing beyond. This is it."

Sorry, Barbara, I'm really not interested in your theological revelations. But it's nice that you included Ted Haggard as a token evangelical. You're so balanced.