Complex Coffee

I stop at Starbucks most mornings on my way to work. I did today. They always have three coffees available--a medium or mild roast, a bold roast, and decaf. The three selections are scribbled on a chalkboard with brief descriptions. And the descriptions contain words like these: bold, smooth, soft, well-balanced, nutty, herbal, fruity, earthy notes, spicy, sparkling, acidic, light, robust, citrusy. And my favorite: complex.

starbucksI don't know what those mean. I've never sensed any nuttiness in coffee. No hints of oranges or mangoes or any other kind of fruit. To me, there are two types of coffee: strong, and not-so-strong. And decaf versions of each. Okay, I should add a third type, the kind grandpa always had sitting on the stove in the farmhouse, a roast which I call Terminal Stomach Radiation. Starbucks has nothing similar, beyond stuffing a handful of Komodo Dragon beans into your mouth.

Life needs to be kept simple pre-coffee. I don't want to enter Starbucks and be confronted with difficult decisions: "Do I feel like nutty, or smooth? How many earthy notes can I handle today?" Before coffee, I can barely locate my truck in the garage. I just want to say, "Gimme coffee," and leave. Then, having consumed my morning brew, I'm empowered to make decisions during the rest of the day. Never mind that I usually get decaf. There's a psychological thing going on which still perks me up, enlivens my senses, as though I'm still mainlining caffeine. Let nothing jeopardize that illusion.

Anyway, I certainly don't want "complex" coffee first thing in the morning. I want it strong or not-so-strong, and I don't want to put any further thought into the purchase. Thank you.

Posted on May 30, 2006 08:22 AM|

Comments

This typifying of coffee has always cracked me up. A good friend once suggested that we ought to use the same descriptors for people: bold, nutty, with citrusy undertones. Wouldn't that be wonderful? I'm afraid that working at Coffee D has given me a somewhat differentiated palate in terms of coffees, though. I'm almost embarrassed to say that the first time I try a coffee, I can usually pick out spicy, nutty, floral notes without much difficulty. Coffee snobbificaton is probably irreversible.

Posted by: Erinn | May 30, 2006 01:21 PM

I think I may have solution for you. It will involve putting pride aside and being noticed in a place that most people don't like to mention going. But Mcdonalds has the best coffee. A rich roast, with dark bold flavor, and an aroma that awakens the senses and makes you feel alive once again. And all you have to do is say, "gimmie coffee" It's great and much cheaper. You don't even have to get out of the car. Chris

Posted by: Chris | May 30, 2006 04:42 PM

Just don't spill McDonald's coffee on your lap...

Fruity coffee with earthy notes? No wonder I've never ventured into a Starbucks.

Posted by: rev-ed | May 31, 2006 10:36 AM

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