Paris Hilton - the New Nelson Mandela

Yep, I watched Larry King interview Paris Hilton last night. What a farce I am. Here is how the hour increased my understanding of this earthly plane of existence.

  • I am glad prison was a life-changing experience for Paris, and that she now intends to transcend the cartoonish blonde character she fashioned for herself, and which she plays with such aplomb. It reminds me of when Larry Flynt became a Christian, and when Michael Bloomberg became a Republican. Seems to be working out real well for them.
  • Too bad about that claustrophobia. Being in an 8x12 foot prison cell makes Paris feel hemmed in and causes her to freak out and go into hysterics. I will think about that every time I see her riding in a car. And you know I'll be watching.
  • Her jailhouse writings were, uh...profound? I think that's what she thought they were, as she proudly read them to millions of people. We seem to have found the successor to Kahlil Gibran. Paris is wise beyond her 26 years and GED. Proof that blondes not only have more fun, but can masterfully string together boatloads of cliches.
  • Paris is, of course, an utterly normal girl. I'm glad she emphasized that point. It was a revelation to me.

Okay, enough with easy targets. Paris, Nicole, Britney, Lindsey--you enrich our lives and give our sorry souls meaning. May you prosper, and always drive on a road where I'm not.

Posted on June 28, 2007 08:27 AM|

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